WarioWare Oneshots
by The Unknown Alias
Summary: Request story in honor of my third account aniversary. See the guidelines in the first chapter and make oneshot requests for me to fill. Oneshots shall be done on a first come first serve basis. Expect often updates.
1. No Idea WarioAshley

WarioWare Oneshots  
By The Unknown Alias

_Disclaimer: I do not own 'Warioware Inc.' series._

_Howdy everyone! Welcome to my Third Account Anniversary Story! This makes it three years since my account officially started. And so, I decided to dedicate this year's celebration result to the fans. Here's how it works. This is a request story. Requests must be made through reviews._

_Your request must have the following:  
__The characters you want me to use.  
__The general plot suggestion for this request.  
__Whether this is friendship, interaction, or romance._

_I will do them in order of request. However I do have limits, and they are as follows:  
__No OC's or self inserts.  
__No Yaoi or Yuri romances.  
__No M rated stories or content._

_Other than that, anything is fair game! Though I may be a bit iffy on crossovers. In the meantime, allow me to kick things off!_

* * *

**No Idea  
****Wario-Ashley interaction.**

Mona walked delicately down the isles, eying each little thing available. Following lazily, Wario shuffled in annoyance as his 'friend' led.

"Do you think perhaps she'll like these?" she asked him, pointing out dispensers filled with dried out lizards.

"Why would anyone like anything like that?" he answered with a picking of his nose.

"Well, she is a witch. She could use these as ingredients…"

"Who are we shopping for again? And why, for that matter?"

"Wario! Have you seriously forgotten that it's Ashley's birthday soon?"

Oh yeah, now he remembered. He never really liked birthdays all that much. All of that free giving junk… just not his style. Mona in the meantime, just sighed. Wario honestly tries her patience sometimes.

"Listen," she spoke, "if you're not going to be any help, then you can just go."

And in a blur of blue, Wario busted out through the automatic doors, leaving a body sized hole before it could even open.

* * *

Going down the streets on his motorcycle, Wario mulled over what just happened. So it was one of his worker's birthdays, so what? He shouldn't have to fish out of his income just to get something for her. Couldn't he just give her the day off? ……… Now that he thought about it, since when did he hire her? And why for that matter? However, Mona's scolding face came into mind again, causing Wario's eye to twitch. Not many would think it, but Mona's a demon when angry. He sighed and made a turn, now heading for the local dollar store.

* * *

He walked through the isles, looking amongst the cheap items. Now, let's see… what did he know about Ashley? Well, she lived in the haunted mansion of the town… she always seems to be walking around with that devil guy, Red… she's a little girl (though there have been speculations of her age…)…… Wait! That's it! What does every little girl love? With a smile at the simple solution, he quickly ran back though the isles, picking up the items in question. The only problem was the disturbed look from the cashier at his choice of purchases.

* * *

Red carried the last armful of presents into Ashley's room, dropped them, and happily flopped back onto her bed in exhaustion. Ashley herself was going through the tags to see which came from whom. Not surprisingly, her eccentric friends tried to throw a party for her. 'Tried' being the key word. Apparently not many people wanted to try out her special version of Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

She opened the gifts, one after the other, and was honestly thankful for the gifts. Most were ingredients from her favorite local store, but some were particularly good. Penny for example brought her an original device to perfectly heat her cauldrons without using any wood logs. Ana was able to get her an ancient book of demonic techniques that were banned from being even so much as mentioned by her sensei. Orbulon even got her a clone of himself to be used as an ingredient! It was times like these that tempt her to be more social.

She set them aside, readying them to be sorted tomorrow. She then noticed one last gift on the floor, blue in color and a familiar 'W' on the tag.

"Ooh! One last gift?" Red noticed, and held it up to her. "Who's it from?"

"It's from Wario…"

"Oh. Guess we shouldn't expect much then, huh?"

Ashley nodded as she undid the wrapping and opened the box. The second she did however, her eyes dilated and her fingers began to twitch.

"Ashley? What's the matter?" Red asked. He peaked in the box and was immediately shocked.

Inside were dress up dolls and hair brushes.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Uh, Ashley? You okay?"

"……… Red, set up the cauldron."

* * *

Wario was walking about the next day, heading down to his daily dance session at Club Sugar. He was content and still patting his back for his gift idea the other day. His ears then perked up as a tune wafted through the air.

_Who's the girl next door living in the haunted mansion?  
__You better learn my name cause I am ASHLEY!  
__She knows the darkest spells and she brews the meanest potions.  
__You might be the ingredient I seek._

Wario looked around in confusion. Some kind of Ashley theme song? What's this all about?

_Don't let yourself be fooled by her innocent demeanor.  
__You should be afraid of the great ASHLEY!  
__She doesn't play with dolls and she never combs her hair.  
__Who has time for girly things like that?_

At once Wario's eyes widened in fear. It appears that he was in deep trouble.

_Eye of newt, I cast a hex on you…_

Wario's panic grew more as he felt a tingling sensation shoot through his body.

_Grandma's wig, this will make you big…_

His skin began to unnaturally crawl.

_Kitten spit, soon your pants won't fit…_

Wario said his final prayers.

_PALONES GIGANTICUS!_

With a poof of a purple cloud, Wario shot to a store window to see his reflection. He gaped at his new form: the classic Looney Toons joke of a four legged, polka dotted thing with a blooming flower mane and a tail that waved a flag with a screw next to a ball.

_Oh no, not again…_

* * *

"Wario? Are you okay?" Mona called as she peaked into his room. She was surprised to see her boss in a fetal position, shaking like he saw the Devil himself. "Wario! What happened to you?"

"Let's just say that I'm never getting anyone a present ever again," he moaned. He then shook his head as the music only he could hear was repeating again. Another poof of a cloud occurred, leaving Mona in shock and Wario as a cactus.

_Oh no, not again…_

* * *

**A/N: You know, there really is an argument of Ashley's age. Japan games have her an actual young girl, U.S. has her as teenager. Me, I'm going with Japan. I believe this also holds true for Penny Crygor as well. But hey, that's my opinion. Have fun everyone!**

The Unknown Alias's status: Signed Out.


	2. Clashing Scores Jimmy T

WarioWare Oneshots  
By The Unknown Alias

_And now, our first request! 'notfromearth7', you get a free cybernetic cookie for being my first of (hopefully) many requesters. And now, clear the dance floor for Jimmy T.!_

* * *

**Clashing Scores**

Keep it level. Maintain the weight balance. Flow, not jerk. The directions ran subconsciously through Jimmy T.'s head as his body moved almost against his will to the near painful thump of the subwoofers that lined the walls about him. He could recognize the sounds, even though he actually tuned them out. THIS was music. There were no cuss words every five seconds, the message wasn't blatantly obscene, and thank the heavens above there were no sounds of gunshots mixed amongst the notes. Though he respected the tastes of the modern age, give him the glory days of the 50's any day. This was the reason that he loved the beloved Club Sugar.

Don't slack off though. Mustn't trip up. And try not to go 'Thriller' again.

He moved smoothly, as always. He and others were enjoying the daily sweet rave party. The lights flashed, the floor's tiles were truly multicolored, and the ever loved disco ball spun proudly. The crowd however had to clear an opening to behold the dance moves of the sweet disco man. Jimmy began to up the ante as his moves evolved quickly. Soon, the audience had to strain their eyes to keep up with his moves. Everyone was so transfixed; no one noticed that single sliding step launched a tile that broke because it couldn't handle Jimmy's dancing awesomeness. No one noticed, at least until the split second later when a crash resounded, quickly followed by a sharp and unbridled yelp of pain.

Everyone stopped in shock and stared at the broken window of the DJ's booth. Jimmy had also stopped and his musical note mustache drooped in realization at what happened.

* * *

As the ambulance wailed while shrinking into the metropolis, everyone left in somber silence. Jimmy could only rub his neck in embarrassment. That was the fourth and last DJ of the club, all in one week. And it was only Tuesday! This also meant that the club would have to close for a while until they can find a new DJ. Sure, Jimmy could do it, but they had tried that before, and it didn't end well.

_Flashback!!!_

_Jimmy was looking around ashamed as the boss gaped at most of the equipment was broken or sparking. If ever asked why Jimmy had tried dancing in the cramped room in the first place, he simply answered that 'the rhythm made me do it again'._

* * *

The next week brought good news for Jimmy. The club had found a DJ! And they weren't going to sue! Apparently they couldn't find any concrete evidence or witnesses. But still, the club was open again! Jimmy was grateful. After all, his cell phone activities could only entertain him so long without the number one dancing hotspot in all of Diamond City to keep it lively.

Jimmy stepped proudly into the club, leading the feverish partiers who also had to wait. Like the party leader he was, everyone followed him to the dance floor strongly. Once he was in the middle, he struck a pointing pose, smiling at the fixed DJ window.

"All right DJ, put the needle on the record!"

The new DJ made a thumbs up, his silhouette being the only thing visible through the glass. Inside, the man pulled out a record, ready to rock the joint.

The group was ready as they heard the stereo come to life. The DJ's voice came over the speakers first.

"All right," said the smooth voice. "Time to get this place shaking once more. Get ready though, because we're starting hard and fast."

The crowd cheered in excitement as song begun.

The second it did, everyone stopped.

Oh. Em. Gee.

Jimmy wasn't sure if it was just a nightmare. But then he remembered that his imagination couldn't be that cruel to him. Music was playing all right. But no, it wasn't the norm. It wasn't even the modern rap he could live without. No, it was something worse. He prayed in a panic, hoping he had just gone delusional from separation anxiety.

But it wasn't anxiety.

It wasn't his imagination.

That indeed, was polka blaring through the speakers with an accordion sounding proudly.

Unseen by anyone, Jimmy cried a tear behind his sunglasses.

The response was instant, imminent, and expected. It was raw, untapped rage. Instead of the thumping funk that usually could be heard from the club into the night, there were screams, shouts, and the breaking of property.

By the time somebody had the sense to go into the DJ's room, the real source of the offence, said DJ was already crawling through the vent to safety. The event at the club soon had to be quelled with police action. And yet, no one who heard of the news could really blame the dancers.

* * *

A couple of days later, Jimmy's mood was a sour as the notes of a dented trumpet. He was laid on his employer's couch in a depression, preaching out his problems while Wario himself kept going in and out of the kitchen.

"I'm telling you, this is serious man!" Jimmy shouted as Wario left the kitchen holding a crate that had 'Toxic Waste' printed on it. In other words, he emptying out his fridge for trash day. "It's only been two days, and the guy's already holding the place hostage!"

"How again did you get into my house?" Wario asked, going back into the kitchen.

"After the punk escaped from his first day of work, all the other cool cats asked me to represent them in those police negotiations. No surprise since I'm Club Sugar's greatest regular…"

At this point Wario left the kitchen again with some kind of ball made from purple, green, and orange fungus.

"We told him we weren't going to put up with his polka playlists, but the guy's too persistent! 'Oh, you're just not giving it a chance! Polka's fine once you get used to it!' Was that guy dropped on his head when he was a kid?"

Wario left the kitchen again, now with one cryogenically frozen Captain Syrup in tow.

"Now we find out that the guy is practically a polka cult leader! He's trying to 'spread the wonder of polka to the fallen mortal ears' or something. The guy's a psychopath! And the management won't even do anything about him! They're saying that he was the only one who applied for the job and that they can't afford to lose him!"

At this point Wario was now leaving the kitchen, carrying the beginning of a submarine sandwich. The sandwich continued to come out of the kitchen as Jimmy spoke.

"This just stinks! The guy won't leave the club, there's nowhere else to go, and we can't just start our own club. There's no way out!"

"Then why don't you just find another DJ?" Wario asked. It should be noticed that he somehow left the kitchen a second time without going back, holding up the middle of the sandwich. Jimmy did notice this and rose with wide eyes, sufficiently freaked out. He could only stare as the supposedly second Wario went into the next room, still carrying the sandwich. "Well?" the echoed call snapped Jimmy out of his stupor. Apparently the situation was more stressful to him than he thought.

"The only people who could be the DJ's are still in the hospital."

"What? What for?" Wario asked, now leaving the kitchen again with the other end of the sandwich.

Jimmy winced and twitched at the anomaly before him before he discarded it from his mind. Better to leave the mind shattering mysteries to the scientists and philosophers. "Well, they all kinda got hit in freak dance tile incidents."

"Now there's something I would've like to see!" Wario said, again coming out of the kitchen, only now he just leaned against the doorway, chugging from a two liter of cola.

"Still, bottom line…" Jimmy sighed, sinking his chin on the upholstery of the couch. "Unless I get some help, there's no way we're going get Club Sugar back."

The word 'help' clicked in Wario's mind. Having recently attended Super Smash Brothers Brawl, he met quite a few people and got to know some more from fellow fighter Sonic. He couldn't help but image the possibilities…

_An Elite Beat Agent squad let by Agent J landed behind Jimmy at the club as 'You Can't Stop the Beat' from the musical __Hairspray__ began to play._

_Reporter Ulala beginning to dance along with Jimmy, all littered with tempo-ed directions, 'chu-s', and 'hey-s'._

_Amigo the monkey performing with his traditional maracas, giving Jimmy a boost as he dealt with the offending DJ._

_Jimmy and the DJ in a dance contest, unaware that their performance was determined by the rising arrows of someone playing Dance Dance Revolution._

Wario actually got into the idea and chuckled, wondering how all of those would turn out. Or even begin for that matter. Jimmy noticed his friend's bedazzled state and sighed, sitting back down in the couch. He was going to need help. Sure, he can gather many friends, but without an experienced DJ they just won't be able to keep up.

A knock on the door interrupted both of their thoughts before Wario went to answer. Jimmy went back staring at the floor in silence.

"Hey, Jimmy! It's for you!"

Jimmy's eyebrows quivered as he came to the front door. What he saw surprised him, but more importantly, sparked hope.

The DJ he knocked out only more than a week ago stood before him, looking irate. But what really started the spark was the first thing he said. "Now, what's this I hear about a polka playing DJ taking my job?"

* * *

Jimmy T. stared dead ahead with abnormal seriousness. Before him laid Club Sugar. It was almost time for the daily night rave, and that new DJ would blare out polka music whether anyone was inside or not, the latter being the obvious situation. The old DJ came up beside the groove machine, also calm and serious.

"Everyone's set Jimmy. We're ready to go by your command."

Jimmy smiled. "Good. We start moving out now." He turned to the dancing army he gathered. Amongst them were all of his family, Jimmy P., and also the mass of cats and dogs. Anyone who ever stepped on the dance floor beside him (including all of his co-workers) had gathered for this war of music.

"Everyone, we perform now! I want to see your feet moving like we're dancing on the sun! NOW LET'S GET FUNKY!"

The mob roared with enthusiasm as they rushed in, breaking down the doors of the club. Everyone went into position, Jimmy at the head and the old DJ at the back, armed with a turntable system and plenty of speakers. The new DJ was at the other end of the club, glaring through the window.

"Alright, listen up you square! It's high time you hit the road! And unless you do it right now, we all are going to dance you into submission!"

The new DJ chuckled, then it grew into laughter, and then it just grew maniacal. "Oh come on! You think I didn't know that this would happen sooner or later? You guys aren't the first town I've dealt with, and I won't lose now!"

To further show his increasing signs of insanity, he blew on a whistle and instantly an equal amount of polka warriors came out, all decked in lederhosen and high socks. Instantly Jimmy became more worried, but not for his army.

"MWUHAHAHAHAAAH!" the new DJ howled. "You fools shall now open your eyes to the superiority of polka!"

Needless to say, somebody in Jimmy's army called the nearest psychiatric ward. They were going to have a boom in business.

"Ready? Let's dance!" Jimmy shouted.

Instantly the old DJ proudly started things with 'Play That Funky Music'. The polka DJ, not taking any chances, began with the only slightly polka-ish artist that was truly acceptable in the common day. Weird Al Yankovic. The hours spun into the night, the Bee Gees still holding strong in the assault. As more hours piled, so did the bodies. (From exhaustion people, relax!)

Soon, the time finally came. Dawn was only minutes away. Jimmy still stood, though trembling. Looking around him, he knew things were getting too close. Many of his fallen comrades were now wearing lederhosen. But the fallen polka dancers were now bearing commonplace clothes. There were only four people left. Jimmy T., his DJ, the polka DJ, and the most supreme polka warrior (who apparently couldn't decide if his ethnicity was Swedish or German). This was the last battle. All or nothing.

Jimmy looked grimly at his DJ. "DJ, time to use the secret weapon."

The DJ instantly had a shocked face. "Jimmy, NO! Maybe earlier we could've, but not now! You're almost all done!"

"Do it! We have no other choice."

The DJ prayed to the heavens as he slowly slid out a record that bore a nuclear symbol on it. He set it into place and placed the needle. Meanwhile, the polka DJ was getting cocky.

"Pah! There's nothing you can do now! Yorkawich here is a fifteen year polka champion! There's no song in any arsenal that can save you now!"

Jimmy only remained stationary. _Focus your energy. You need all that you can for this dance. Behold! The ultimate dancing song!_

Jimmy posed as the song began to play. The polka DJ listened in confusion while playing his final song. What kind of blaspheming music began with creaky steps and a werewolf howl? But then the beat began to play. The polka DJ's eyes widened.

He knew of the song.

He never thought he would have to face it.

He never wanted to face it!

Anyone who could pull it off successfully would more or less instantly win!

He cranked his song's volume to twelve in a vain attempt to fight.

But it was hopeless.

Once your opponent begins Michael Jackson's 'Thriller', you've already lost.

Indeed, Jimmy T. was dancing to the signature song of the former King of Pop. Though his very life now was in shambles, not many could deny the amazing power he showed in the song.

Keep it level. Maintain the weight balance. Flow, not jerk. Don't slack off. Mustn't trip up.

As Jimmy carried through the familiar sequence of moves, it became easier. More natural. He had won. He knew it. The song continued into the climax, and the final polka dancer was sweating bullets. The man's veins were showing, whereas Jimmy was actually cooling off.

The dancer tried to go all out, but in vain. Jimmy decided to put the final nail in the coffin.

Using a carefully timed and powerful stomp, right during the exact final seconds of the song, a tile from the dance floor flew up, and Jimmy swung his body one last time, his foot knocking the tile into the dancer causing him to knock the polka DJ through the wall of the club. Jimmy took one final pose and paused, holding it as the evil laughter from the song echoed out with the lights.

From the wall, the sun was rising. The polka DJ was unconscious while Jimmy's army began to wake. They saw the scene and a triumphant Jimmy T. standing alone on the dance floor. Cheers began to erupt and Jimmy smiled. They won.

* * *

A couple of days later the sun set again and Club Sugar was repaired and filled once more.

Everyone cheered while Jimmy danced center stage. He stopped before he took the microphone. "Everyone, you did a great job out there. If it wasn't for you all, Club Sugar wouldn't be the dance club it should be. Long live Club Sugar!"

"**LONG LIVE FUNK!**" the club shouted in victory.

Jimmy got back down on the dance floor after that short speech. But life was a sadistic mistress. Jimmy jumped down and slid on another loose tile. Which ended up ricocheting into the DJ's booth. Which was responded with a familiar cry of pain. Jimmy looked up from the floor in disbelief.

He then curled up, his head in his hands. He could already hear the accordion music again.

* * *

**A/N: Just as a side tidbit, every scenario that Wario thought up really did go through my mind. But the request didn't call for a crossover so I didn't take the liberty. But I had to sneak them in somehow, so here they are.**

The Unknown Alias's status: Signed out.

Date of Update: 6/4/2009  
(My sister's birthday! Yay!)


	3. Every Gamer's Problem 9Volt

WarioWare Oneshots

By The Unknown Alias

* * *

**Every Gamer's Problem**

9-Volt's hands trembled on the arm rests. His eyes twitched like he was experiencing the legendary 'Porygon Episode Seizure'. The image before remained stationary, save for the final seconds of a countdown.

**10…**

9-Volt smiled.

**9…**

He waited a long time for this.

**8…**

He saved up so much money, just for this.

**7…**

He searched for so long, and had now employed desperate measures.

**6…**

He actually began to drool onto the keyboard.

**5…**

His vision became distorted, and not just because of his green visor.

**4…**

He was finally going to get-WAIT! ……… Something had changed.

**3…**

Where was his screen name?

**2…**

He quickly tried clicking the button.

**1…**

But the mouse wouldn't respond, short circuited from the drool. His eyes twitched even more as the webpage reloaded, now with a message saying that bidding was over.

In the next room, 18-Volt was slowly sipping from a small porcelain cup of tea, pinky extended. As an inhuman howl erupted from his friend's room, his huge fingers accidentally snapped the handle, the cup flying up from the audio vibrations. 18-Volt grasped at his chest with his free hand and the cup finally fell to shatter. The big gamer was gasping as he stared at 9-Volt's room in shock.

Inside, 9-Volt wasn't dealing with it well; slamming his helmeted head against the cracking monitor.

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" he shouted with each headbut. "HOW? HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN? STUPID SNIPERS! CURSE YOUUUUUUUU!"

* * *

Meanwhile in our world, Weird Al snickered to himself as he felt the usual cursing of someone he sniped on e-bay.

* * *

"I was so close!" 9-Volt moaned to himself. 18-Volt was patting his diminutive friend on the back. The both of them were sitting on Wario's couch. Said employer rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "I had the top bid and everything! You don't how hard it was to get it!"

9-Volt had just broken down into failing tears at this point, leaving his friend to continue the tale. "You see, 9-V here has to find all of the Nintendo licensed games for the N64. But he said that this one he was chasing after was becoming extremely hard to find. When he finally did… well… you can see how high his hopes were."

"And I won't let them crash in vain!" 9-Volt shouted, now posing on 18's head with fire in his eyes and his star hair flapping about like Dragonball. "This game over has shown me that I shouldn't go around the sublevels! If I want my prize, I'll have to go straight to the final level! Come 18-Volt! We have work to do!"

The juvenile old school gamer leapt out of Wario's window, surprisingly landing perfectly on his waiting hoverboard.

18-Volt sighed. "I'll just take the stairs."

"What is this game that the kid's so hooked on anyway?" Wario asked.

"Mario Kart!" 18 answered before shutting the door behind him.

Wario was agape before palming his face. "But you can get that for like, $15.00 on Amazon!"

* * *

9 and 18-Volt were standing nonchalantly on a random spot in the park. And… that's pretty much it. Oh wait! 18 just coughed! And now they're back to doing nothing.

Yep, just standing there.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

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…

…

…

…

…

…

ZzzzzzZzZZZZZZzzzzZZZzzz…

_Oooh yeah, right there Penny. Spread it all over… oh yeah, harder… Yeah, don't be shy. Come on, it's just a massage. I'm surprised that you even knew how to do it and-_HUHHOOWHAT?

What just happen? Did I fall asleep?

Huh? What did you think I was dreaming about? Perverts.

Anyways, let's get back to the-HUHWHA?

When did this all happen?

9 and 18-Volt are now sitting at a sleek table in some kind of a dark and secret room. They are now wearing black suits and black sunglasses over their usual face wear. Dr. Crygor stands across from them dressed like the head of a spy organization.

"Agent 9, Agent 18, your mission request has been approved. We gathered the necessary information and equipment you will need for your objective." A TV screen is lowered to show a powerful storage building. "This is the Diamond City secret retired game reserve. They pay Wario an annual mint to hold their old and out of print games. Our information has determined that there is one copy of Mario Kart sealed inside amongst maximum security. Details of the defense systems shall be constantly updated into PDA sunglasses. Along with that you will receive the usual gear; laser pens, stun pens, x-ray specs, helicopter cell phone, explosive bowties, and 50 kilos of C4. Remember, if either of you are caught or killed during the course of this mission, you will be replaced by the cybernetic copies of the children of your evil twin cousins. My moustache will self-destruct in five seconds."

9 and 18's seats leaned back, sending the two down pneumatic tubes. Five seconds later, Crygor's moustache did explode. When the smoke cleared, his face was mostly smoked. However, there seemed to be no sign of pain at all.

* * *

9-Volt was holding up binoculars to his sunglasses behind a cardboard cutout of a bush. "There doesn't appear to be any outside security. Odd."

"They probably don't think people would even find out about this place," 18 surmised, rubbing his chin with his bling ring.

"Which means they would up the security inside just in case," 9 guessed. He put away the binoculars, revealing two black circles now imprinted on the lenses. 18 could only silently snicker at the prank. "Alright, the best chance we have of getting in is to launch me through the vents. I'll open up a window when I get in, and then we go on to locate the target."

"Got it," 18 nodded, now raising a ready 9-Volt like a football. "Beginning 'Volt Missile' technique."

With a toss, 9 went spiraling through the air. He landed perfectly onto the roof, and in the next split second shot through the air vent. Crawling carefully but quietly, his helmet sent out a hypersonic signal, disabling sensors in the vent system. He soon came to the wall where 18 was to wait. He burst down onto the floor, jumping to the side before a security camera could catch him. He waited until the camera pointed away. He then leaped up and used his laser pen to cut the lock loose. He ducked back away from the camera's return. Once it left again, 18 leapt through the window, closing it behind him. He ducked next to his buddy and they waited until the camera finished its round before they took off.

They swept through the halls, dodging more and more cameras until they came to the entrance of a wing, the iron door bearing the N64 logo. There were cameras as well, but they were fixed. There was no chance of a blind spot to work their magic.

"Are you ready my P2?" 9 whispered as he primed the explosive tie.

18 pulled out a laser gun fashioned to look like a Wii Zapper. He cocked it with a stony face. "It's a good day for a 1-UP."

They nodded and 9 threw the tie. It landed on the door, flashed red, and then esploded. Yes, **es**ploded. They rushed through the door, the alarms already beginning to go off. They rushed down the aisles where the games were stocked in alphabetical order. 9 screeched to a halt in front of the 'M's and began to flip through the cases.

"Hurry up 9, we've got company!" 18 shouted as he began to shoot off the first of many R.O.B. sentries.

Sweat began to trickle on the child's brow as he kept going through the boxes. But then, he noticed the familiar title. "Got it! Target acquired!"

At once, the R.O.B.s seemed shocked before they fled. "Hmm?" 9 muttered. "What's going on? Is the final boss coming?"

18's eyes then went wide. "Uh, 9? Do you hear that rumbling?"

Indeed, a loud rumbling had begun and was picking up. The boxes began to vibrate and fall off of the shelves. The game boys were becoming more and more frightened. Suddenly, a force slammed into them from the other side of the shelve. The two flew through many other shelves and they landed in a pile. Their heads poked out and 9 subconsciously grabbed his dropped prize. Once they rubbed the stars out of their eyes, they could've sworn their hearts had stopped.

It big, round, black, had two big white eyes, and a mouth full of sharp white teeth. It barked at them. A chain chomp, in all of its horror. On a side note, its name is Sparkles McRainbow.

"………18?"

"Yes 9?"

"Did our information mention this thing?"

"………No 9."

"Oh. Okay."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!"

9 could only panic as 18 carried him. The big guy rushed, the adrenaline of fear making him something Sonic would be envious of. Sparkles gave chase while 9 was throwing any form of weapon that they had. They ran until they reached the window of entry, but to their shock, all of the windows were barred. They looked in fear as Sparkles, knowing that they were trapped, began to approach them slowly and menacingly.

"18, I always wanted to tell you, you were best friend that I ever had!"

"9, I used your DS Lite to fix my stereo!"

"………Wait, what?"

But then a new voice cut through the air, one that had an unprecedented effect.

"Oh Sparkles? Where are you?"

Sparkles immediately stopped, its mouth starting to whimper and its eyes dilated. It howled in fright as it slammed into the two gamers, breaking through the building walls. The two looked up dazed as Mona raced out of the building on her moped, chasing Sparkles.

"Come back Sparkles! I have a brand new blue dress for you to try on!"

9 stared in shock before he fainted. 18 began to chuckle in relief as he picked up his buddy and brought them to 9's house.

* * *

"That was pure insanity!" 18 howled, clapping.

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter!" 9 said excitedly. "We've made it, and we have the game."

9 then raised the box to hail his prize. When he saw it, you can practically hear a part of his mind break. 18 saw 9's now twitching face, and it wasn't the good kind of twitching. He lowered the box from 9's hands, cringing as he saw the cover.

Somehow in the confusion of Sparkle's attack, 9-Volt had claimed a copy of Sonic R instead.

18 left the room slowly as he pulled out his earplugs.

It had been five hours, and 18 had laid his head on the table in depression, trying to block out 9's understandable roars of rage. This was the scene Wario had found as he entered the household. 18 looked up with weary eyes at the visitor. The weariness was quickly replaced with surprise as his employer laid down the cartridge for Mario Kart.

"Tell the kid to keep it. I've got plenty of copies at home."

18 looked in shock as Wario left the household. He looked down at the game. That Wario gave. For no apparent reason of profit. It looked like an act of charity.

18 began to shake as he slid the cartridge under 9's door, and then took off for home; and more importantly the bunker his family had for when the end of the world was to come.

9-Volt never found out just how he got his game so easily.

* * *

The Unknown Alias's status: signed off.

Date of Update: 6/10/2009


	4. Circumstance AshleyWaluigi

_A/N: Okay, sorry it took me so long people. But hey, that's life. Anyway, now we begin with the first romance request. I must say, this crack pairing took me a while to work out, but here it is! The first Ashley/Waluigi story!

* * *

_

Circumstance

Ashley/Waluigi Romance

Nobody knew. In retrospect, perhaps they didn't know either at first. When did it start? They don't know even now. But they did know how it got a chance. Two people, each with wants and services that that the other had and wanted. Perhaps that's how any relationship begins.

He first came because of his friend. He was doing great in the video game business and now it was time to join in the party. Waluigi couldn't guess why Wario didn't invite him in the business in the first place. Perhaps he was afraid he would be so clever that he'd take over the company. But either way, he was in Diamond City now. But there was a problem. Wario wouldn't let him join, and he didn't exactly have enough funds for an apartment. He was outraged because he wasn't going to stop until he joined WarioWare, but where could he stay in the meantime?

Like many people, her problems lied in funds. Being a witch in training is no easy feat. While the teaching system did siphon off ingredients for her, they're not always enough. She would run out due to failures and they won't send her more. If she didn't keep up with the lessons, she would fall short of any chance. But ordering the ingredients charges a pretty penny. She figured it would be a simple matter. After all, she did own a mansion. There were many rooms she doesn't touch so why not rent them off? Perhaps because of the abnormally creepy atmosphere and the occasional destructive spell. She charges cheap now, but still nobody figured it was worth the surroundings. This was the only real way she could get any funds thanks to her stingy boss, but who would be desperate enough to stay there?

They were both surprised to find that the other was their answer. The cost was cheep enough for him to stay and he's dealt with enough to cope with the living conditions. He was the only one who seriously was considering the lodging, so she wasn't going to complain. Everything was set and Waluigi had officially begun living with Ashley.

At first, all was calm. Waluigi stayed out of her way and didn't annoy her, and in return she even provided some small meals. A bonus was when he and Red hit it off, and so the devil would often spend time with their guest when he could. Red had unknowingly become the first major bridge between them. Through Red, Waluigi learned of Ashley's work, her financial situation, and even some of the mechanics of witchcraft. While at the other side, Ashley had learned of Waluigi's tales of crime and overall nastiness. She discovered his connection to Wario and what he hoped to do. She also learned that he had occasionally used a whip, particularly in soccer. Interests began to spark and they could not be ignored.

It finally happened one night during dinner. They were silently eating that night's dinner: Parmesan ghoul-lash. They were keeping to themselves, making no more contact than disinterested roommates. But they were interested, so it wouldn't last long. Ashley was looking over her assignment for that week: the Spurned Soul Potion, plant version. That version is the first step for trainees, made to transform any given plant into a twisted form. It would be dark, thorny, and require less sunlight due to a new dark disposition. She had sent Red to the basement (aka the stockpile) to set aside the ingredients required. She was going over the procedures and events of the transformation, trying to determine what the purposely unmentioned ingredient would be to get it right.

Waluigi was watching his landlord, her studies proving to be more interesting than the taste on his tongue. "So, whatcha reading?"

Ashley looked up, hiding her slight surprise at his sudden interest. Perhaps this could be her chance to get to know her tenant more. "I'm reading my spell books about a potion."

"What's it called?"

Ashley was a bit nervous. Never really able to call herself social, she was rather uncertain as to how to go about this. She decided that the best way was to lay the book out before him. His bagged eyes gazed over the recipe and quivered an eyebrow over the small line of question marks that were at the bottom of the ingredients list.

"What's with the mystery item?"

"That's what I have to figure out. I have to guess what it is to make the potion work."

Waluigi wondered how difficult that must be for students of witchcraft. He gazed through the passage, looking for the answer.

_The Spurned Soul potion is a curiosity in performance, especially at this, the easiest and most basic form. The purpose of the potion is to alter the chemical messages of the subject's cellular matter, transforming the subject's general mindset and behavior. This is what results as the physical changes. The potion penetrates into the nucleus of the cells and rearranges the messages and affects of the DNA and RNA to make the subject more prone to negative emotions, especially anger. The subject first undergoes a spark of general anger, which then develops into a mental requirement to find something the subject does not like about anything and everything so as to hold contempt and hatred for everything around them. This leads to the subject taking measures to attack everything out of spite. On the biologic level of plants, this is best shown by the unusual growth of thorns on the whole of the trunk._

_It should be noted that the missing ingredient is responsible for starting the flame of anger, and for beginners to the potion, it is surprisingly more common than one would think._

Waluigi couldn't help but get an idea. After all, what did he know that would cause a 'flame' and is common?

"Have you thought of a Fire Flower?"

Ashley, looking further in the recipe, raised her head with a surprised face to look at her tenant's narrow face. "…No. I haven't. It seems a bit too easy though…"

"It's worth a shot though, right?" he persisted; now leaning back in his chair.

Ashley twiddled with the end of one of her hair braids, imagining how the spell would turn out. Looking over the book didn't reassure her; for such an advanced textbook, why make such a simple clue? Still, Waluigi's payments have totaled up to a large emergency ingredient fund, so it wouldn't be too much of a loss if she had to dip into it.

She nodded to herself and bookmarked her page and began to leave. Waluigi watched her leave, having a small mental battle.

_Aw, what the heck? This is my chance I guess…_

"Would you like some help?"

Ashley paused in the doorway, not turning to him. A small battle of her own began in her head.

_It might bring him too close. Besides, he has no experience in witchcraft! He might ruin the spell!_

'_But did you not already risk that by accepting his suggestion? Besides, you must risk closeness to achieve it. The door is open to you, and by him! Take it!'_

She let out a silent sigh and turned to him. "Come with me into the library."

* * *

"WAH-CHOO!" Ashley only raised a tissue which Waluigi took to blow his Pinocchio nose. "Thank you. You know, you may need to consider dusting this place."

"Hmm. I tried that once. By the time I was finished, the place where I started from was even dustier."

"Cauldron's boiled and ready Ashley!" Red reported as the two arrived. He noticed the extra man that came with her and smiled to himself. _Well it's about time!_

Ashley attended to the cauldron, occasionally giving orders to her two assistants on how to prepare the ingredients. She kept the mixture churning while the two poured in the ingredients accordingly. Soon, they arrived at where the mystery ingredient was to be used. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Waluigi, the Fire Flower!"

Waluigi finished grinding the item and added a couple of drops of water to mix. He came over to the cauldron, the potion inside bubbling and a color of hot pink.

"…Is a potion of hatred supposed to be that… frilly?"

"That's what the book says. Now sprinkle it in."

He slowly shook the powder into the cauldron and she swiftly stirred it in. Soon enough the particles dissolved into the liquid. Ashley stopped stirring and pulled out the large stick she was using, laying it at the side. They watched with bated breath, waiting for the results. Suddenly, a large bubble formed and when it popped it erupted in a pillar of demonic, black fire. It dissipated mid-air, the mixture now left in a frightening blood red color.

"…"

"…"

"… That was pretty cool."

Ashley chuckled at her guest's words and snapped her fingers. Red responded with an iron cast ladle, drawing from the cauldron into a wide flask. He handed it to her and the trio went to the side where an innocent bonsai tree sat, radiating happiness. Slowly, Ashley allowed a small amount to trickle at the base of the tree. She stood back to see the results of the final test.

There was a moment of silence, then an unholy roar rumbled and the transformation occurred before them. The leaves shook wildly as they faded into a sickly shade of pale yellow. The bark jutted out, becoming rigid, rough, and black. The roots grew out with an aura that promised to strangle most anything it could snare. Finally, large black spikes shot out of the trunk, adding the final touch to what was now an example of a warped mind.

That still wasn't as amazing however as Ashley who then jumped up and down in excitement at her success. Followed shortly by her swinging her assistants around in a wild frenzy. She let them go in just as fast an instant and practically danced in joy around the room.

"Does she always get like this when she finishes?" the n00b to Ashley gasped, still trying to stop the spinning in his head.

"Actually, no! This is the first time I've seen her do this!" Red gasped before fainting from dizziness.

Waluigi looked at his landlord, who at this point had arrived to sit down beside him. He couldn't help but feel happy for her. She looked back at him with her small smile, her red eyes shining happiness. He decided to gamble a bit and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She was surprised for a moment, but then calmed herself enough to return her smile and leaned into him.

That moment of eye contact relayed everything to each other.

"Hey, Ashley, want to plant that tree later?"

* * *

As the last of the soil was packed around the base, Ashley grabbed Waluigi's hand, prompting them both to stand up. They stood back to look at the tree, a sign of something else blooming. Each knew that there were to be countless trials, but they never exactly agreed with general society before so this wasn't going to be anything new.

"So," Waluigi began as they walked back inside, "what should the date be?"

"Why not the movies?" Ashley suggested. "There's that new horror one that I've wanted to see, and no one would notice the age difference."

He smirked. "Yeah, an adult man taking a young girl who's probably not even ten yet to an R rated movie. No one would give us any weird looks."

"Does it matter?"

"…No. I guess not."

"Good. In the meantime, I'll try to see if we can 'convince' Wario to hire you."

They shared a laugh, unaware of the shocked eyes and gaping jaw of Wario. (And considering how large it can be, that's saying a lot!) He was draped over the wall gating the mansion and Red sat beside him smiling and holding out his hand. The stunned man only slipped a fifty dollar bill to the demon, still unable to comprehend what he just saw.

Looking back, especially on the day a few months later when they revealed their relationship, they wondered just how they could be together. How could they grow so close and in such a manner, even more curious as to how so fully? They both decided it was just a lucky case of circumstances.

* * *

The Unknown Alias's status: Signed out.

Date of Update: 11/26/2009

Happy Thanksgiving!


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